It wasn’t always like this. July 05 2018 6 Comments
Last week I took our four boys alone on a holiday to Bali. A week of sun and fun and quality time with their biggest fan - me. I admit, I do it as much for myself as I do it for them. I love a bit of vitamin D and it’s not hard to want to escape the monotony of being a flat out mum stuck in a Melbourne winter. The benefits of the escape outweigh the many obstacles, for all of us.
With so much to do for active little boys and the added benefit of having many boy cousins nearby (my sister and her hubby run Bali Family Villas) it is an obvious choice for us. Unfortunately Shane can rarely travel with us during the AFL footy season, so if I want a holiday, I fly solo. Literally. Even though it’s a pretty quick and direct flight, that and the airport transfers are always the low point. Tantrums and vomits prevail over happy selfies and casual strolls through duty free.
Once we arrive, the cloud of tension lifts and the memories of being squished in economy fade. This year as I shared pics of our adventure I received many messages about how brave I was travelling alone with so many kids overseas and it got me thinking.
It wasn’t always like this.
No way. I have done the hard yards and do not let an image of a shiny happy face elude you to the fact that I birthed four boys in 5 and a half years. I can seriously count the number of full nights sleeps that I had on one hand from 2006-2016. Sleepers these Crawford boys are not. Even when they ‘slept through’ they were always early risers, no matter how late their head hit the pillow or how ‘worn out’ we tried to make them through out the day.
It is only now after a few years of consistent sleep and all four boys finally at school that I can appreciate their boundless energy as a great life skill. The added greys and frown lines I can bare if it means I have boys with resilience and the ability to soldier on, no matter how tired. But for years, it took most of the life out of me.
Yes I have had help over the years in the form of AuPairs (I could write a book on that chapter) and my Mum is an amazing Grandmother who always comes to the (distress) call. Shane is a hands on Dad, with finely tuned play time skills, rather than the “well lets all clean up the carnage we have left behind” type of Dad. The type who lets them all jump In the pool when he arrives home after witching hour and they have JUST settled down before bed.
Making memories he says. Dare I get in the way of those activities or I will forever be labelled the “fun police”. Humph.
But we do not have much extra help for the number of kids we have (the type who rarely sit still), out numbered we sure are. I am there for 99% of the triumphs and trophies as well as the defeats and conflicts. I’ve survived gastro outbreaks that last weeks as they slowly move through every member of the family and I truly love my Miele washing machine like an extended family member. Coffee has always been my thing, but now it is really my THING. The coffee machine light, the motivating force drawing me out of bed most mornings.
I’ve done toilet training times four, I’ve had the anxious kid, the climbing kid, the biting kid and the tiny baby rushed to hospital. I’ve had many bouts of solo parenting while Shane travels for work and put myself second, third, fourth, fifth or sixth most of the time. I counted 32 months of breastfeeding, rejection of bottles and only wanting Mum Mum Mum. I’ve cleaned the most mammoth of poo explosions and don’t even start me on teething or morning sickness. Lastly, (and need I say more) TWINS!
This is not a whinge, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat for my boys. It’s just a reminder to the Mums in the trenches. It is HARD work. For years. But, you will get your mojo back, you will breathe again and feel good about yourself and what lies ahead. Your kids become more manageable as you get your confidence and the primary school years welcome a light relief before it all changes again.
Last year I made it to one Book Club meeting AND I had read the whole book. My exercise and me time has become more regular and I can sometimes be spontaneous. The impromptu, free spirited days do seem long gone with the unchartered territory of the teenage years waiting ahead.
But this is it. This is motherhood. This is what we wanted.
The depleted lows and the glorious highs. The moments where the heart is full and we realise we’ve never known a love like this before. In the end all we really have are memories and sometimes we have to work harder than others to make them.
So yes, I was brave taking the boys alone to Bali. Some moments took all of my strength to make it through and many times my patience was really tested. The older boys fought, Jack found his scream, there were vomits and many near misses on the water slides. I had #FOMO knowing my friends were nearby drinking cocktails by the beach. But hey, they all went to Kids Club once and I had two hours reprieve and the most glorious massage.
What will we remember?
Hopefully, the togetherness, the laughs, the sunshine, the carefree days and the slow mornings. The time, the precious time.
Harry is officially the UNO champion of Bali and I drank from a coconut basking in the sun watching them all play together.
But it wasn’t always like this.
Comments
Katrina Lehman on September 25 2018 at 05:20PM
What a fantastically honest story. I have a 3.5, 5 and 8 year old and it is exhausting, not just because of the children, but because you feel like you are constantly juggling so many roles and none of them very well: wife role (#cantrememberthelasttimeweheldhands #houseisabomb #yesitsspagbolagain #ships in the night), professional role (#yesthekidsaresickagain #cantdomeetingafter4pm #didntsleeplastnightandnotbecauseIwasoutdrinkingwiththegirls) and mother role (#forgottheschoolconcert #ineedtocleansoyouneedtowatchtv). It’s those little moments (‘Mummy, I think you are so funny’) that make my day. Having said that, I am counting down the days until No. 2 goes to school and I can claim back a little of my old carefree personality. Thanks for the post! :)
Amanda on July 09 2018 at 11:10AM
Such a fantastic read and it’s great that you are so honest 🙌🏻
Rebecca on July 09 2018 at 11:10AM
Great post! Restored a little faith in the years I have to come. I hate a times wishing my kids years away but with 4 children aged 7,5,2.5 and 1 it’s bloody hard work.
I try and take as many pictures as I can as one day we will look back on the mayhem and laugh (just not right now!)
My hubby has also been away training for a new career for the past 7 months so I’m looking forward to getting some much needed me time back.
Definitely not up to taking all 4 on holiday solo yet but I’m sure what day it will be!
Maureen Snart on July 06 2018 at 12:27PM
Fabulous to read this honest from the heart words…. no one knows what goes on in another woman’s mind and home….. once the front door is closed no one sees or hears the noise the tantrums the turmoil but all mixed with love …. we r now grandparents and I can smile looking on yep been there done that and guess what it’s mighty normal (is there such a a thing as normal) we are watching the gorgeous two yr old throwing the best tantrums he was such a calm delightful baby boy…. I can smile but oh the memories I went through that stage three times!!!! But I have to say the teenage years are harder!!! Sorry!!! Ours are all in their forties married a few kids each and guess what yep we still worry…. glossy photos don’t show true life but how lovely are they to look at and make beautiful memories……
Lynda Hand on July 06 2018 at 12:27PM
That’s what family memories are all about !! ❤️
Olivia on July 06 2018 at 12:27PM
I loved reading this! Maybe as it’s so relatable atm. I have three boys and pregnant with a forth child (not sure of sex and don’t really care). I am also embarking on a solo holiday to Port douglas next week with the boys. Fingers crossed husband can at least join us for a few days if he has time. I’ve loved all your travel tips and encouragement. Yes it’s bloody tough, I’ve never been so tired and nothing prepares you for it but we wouldn’t change a thing! Thank you. Olivia (yep my name is Olivia too 🙊)